S.A.H.M.

6 years ago, if you had asked me if I was going to be a stay at home mom, I probably would have laughed in your face and said why the hell would I do that?!   I was under the misinformed impression that stay at home moms were lazy, soap addicted, playground hogging gangs of women who couldn't cut it in the workforce so they 'stay' home with the kids instead. I know that makes me sound like a jerk, but I was a good bit younger and had always held a job since I was 16 and didn't see why grown women shouldn't do the same thing. And I couldn't imagine not having my paycheck (albeit tiny) in the bank to help pay the bills, as well as {GULP} be dependent on my husband for money.  We learned to break that train of thought when I stopped working full time to complete my degree, but I was always heading back to teaching as soon as I graduated.

  Then the topic of children came onto my horizon and I began to have friends and family who stayed home with their children.  People whom I look up to. People whom I asked why do you stay home and how is it?  So many reasons floated around in my head; why would you have someone else raise your children? These baby years go so quickly so it is worth the financial strain to enjoy them. The majority of the mother's paycheck would go to daycare anyway.  And so on. So much to chew on, as well as that nagging feeling that I was going to be seen as a lazy bum who is just living off her hubby to not have to work.  Hopefully that is just my crazy way of thinking and not the stereotype I am trying so hard to avoid.  Then I had my son almost a year ago.  I knew before his birth that I was going to stay home, much to my chagrin and the two awesome schools that wanted to hire me, yet that is another blog post.  Those first few months home with him were amazing, sleep deprived, and exhausting.  When I got to that 8-10 week period in his life when most mommies have to go back to work; It then hit me: I just couldn't imagine leaving this little guy with anyone else (well except those days when he was inconsolable, I'd given him to a hobo at that point).  As he has grown it amazes me how much he changes day to day.  Honestly at the 10 1/2 month point, each week I see how his little personality is forming and how much he is absorbing through me.  Would he get that in a daycare?  I am sure he would, as I am not here to knock daycare, but it wouldn't be me seeing him clap for the first time. It wouldn't be me hear him try to repeat words after me. It wouldn't be me who gets to enjoy his cuddle time in the morning.  I wouldn't be able to take my time to enjoy each day with him, not feel rushed to making meaningful experiences just because it is the weekend.  I am so lucky to have a husband who is supportive of our decision for me to stay home as each moment is truly a gift to spend with my son.

You knew there was going to be another side to this story right?! I am not that sappy...even though the sentiment is true.  Staying at home is WORK.  Really! Most jobs you can kinda leave at the office, this one wakes you up at 2 am with shitty diapers and puke.  This job doesn't care that you haven't had a shower all day or a 15 minute break to grab something to eat. This job demands all of your attention as well as loads you up with extra laundry, more meals to cook, a never ending clean up of playtime debris, and a necessity that your demeanor remains positive 24/7.  And more patience than I was ever required working with even the most difficult special ed child. 

I love my job and am not ashamed to tell anyone that I stay home with my child.  I even now don't even feel the need to tack on a cute comment about the cost of daycare either.  

Baby proofing

The word alone, baby proof is a word loaded with hidden meanings and insights.   Is anything REALLY ever baby proofed?  Can you really say that your life was ready for the complete and utter disarray that has been placed upon it by your child? What about your marriage? Is the fact that you have very little patience left over in the day to donate it to your spouse a means to attest how much stress is placed on a new family? Can you honestly prepare for each obstacle that you will face as a parent?     
Now let me get away from this deep insight and speak in literal terms of baby proofing.  As I mentioned in a blog about a month ago, life is over as I know it once the wee one becomes mobile.  Lord yes! I feel that I now spend 80% of my day correcting the direction of my son. My new conversations go like this: "No, honey toilets are nasty, stoves are hot, oh crap, what did you just put in your mouth? Why is there poop on the floor?" And that was just yesterday... What is the real gem is that I know this is just the beginning.  I laugh when I first made an attempt to baby proof my house.  Sure sticking some plastic outlet covers and cabinet door stoppers seem like the dutiful things to do when you anticipate mobility.  But who knew that children like (and can!) to crawl under coffee tables and straight to your mess of speaker wires? Or find that tiny speck of paper you left out?  You know that night light that you lovingly placed in the baby's room to keep the boogie monster out? Yeah, that becomes like a literal moth to the flame, especially when you are on an important phone call and feel like a weirdo interrupting your caller to say "No touch!"  I then felt obligated to explain myself. 
And four legged critters beware. My poor dog is the best dog I have ever seen as she should now have had both eyes poked out, a tail that removes itself like a lizard's, and should be bald in some places where she becomes a stable surface to pull up on. He is obsessed with her!  If you come into this house now you may think you have entered this side of a ranch.  I've got enough gates to corral the little one in as well as a herd of sheep if need be.  Furniture is now strategically placed so that one cannot squeeze through.  I feel like the baby is related to an animal in that as long as his head will fit he will take it as an incentive to get through the tiniest space. Until he gets stuck under the table again, and is freaking out for me to come and rescue him.   And decorations? If the knickknack is not 3 feet off the ground, its outta here, or at least stashed in my spare room till I can figure out where to store it for the next 3 or so years.  Yikes! I detest to think about Christmas... 
I am learning that baby proofing your home and life is a day by day conquest that you just have to roll with the flow and maintain that eagle eye for those tiny things on the floor. Thank god I just got a new awesome vacuum with which I love to use on a near daily basis.